Hey. it's late again. I have things to do but don't care, again. Simple things, that could be done in moments or more realistically, minutes, but instead I'm sitting in the chapter room contemplating life. I need to take my pill more consistently, I'm super moody right now. I love this though - I feel so deep and artistic and stuff - even though I'm just listening to Adele and agreeing - I'm not creating anything. Oh well. I miss my family - I want my future NOW. He's going to get the job in Lake Orion, I KNOW it. Can't I just fast-forward to that, and the proposal, and then the move, and the wedding planning, and the puppy, and the wedding, and the honeymoon and the decorating and cooking and greeting him at the door, my baby bump growing, our first ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat - her little cry, his tiny fingers, the outfits and toys and adorable incoherent ramblings - the scribbled drawings posted on the walls like Monets - the baby books, pointing to the words and hearing "bahbahbahBAHbahbahbah..." just like Mommy reads, the curls and the smiles and the absolutely rapt eyes and the looks of pure contentment when we hold them and sit together on the couch just being happy...

Can't that be now? And then just stay that way for - well not ever, but close to it? I have so many memories of the future.

So I've just been getting over a cold/fever and I've gone and given it to Andrew who, poor thing, insists that it isn't my fault. Oh, it is, but I'll be a good wifey and make him all cozy so I suppose that makes up for it.

We've finished recruitment and I'm affiliated again, along with 13 baby Xi's who I really need to get to know better! I'm on the Big List again, and so is Little - we could actually double our active branch members in one night if we play our cards right! Along that vein, I just collaged two pictures - one of me with Big and one of me with Little, and Good God! I've ballooned! I won't worry about it too much but really I need to start making healthier choices/becoming active.

I need to get a job - I've been spending money left and right and I just can't afford to do that unless I have a source of income at this point. I just (like, between typing sentences) downloaded the application for Dollar General, and I bet I can get Community Markets' off the site too...I just don't want to do food service, I am fine with selling it as retail but ugh food service is the suckiest ever.

It's also past 2 am and I have things to do today but I'm just not tired - I slept all day pretty much, and most of yesterday and Thursday as well - I was super sick and out of it. I guess all that rest is catching up to me. OH, ps, WHY do people not know how to rinse/wash their own goddamned dishes? REALLY? I had to dig through elbow-deep disgusting built up water to drain the sink so I could have the privilege of cleaning gross soggy food off people's plates. Ugh.

Sorry, rant over. But REALLY. Pet peeve? No cuz pet peeves are sort of irrational. This is just gross.

Ok, really over this time I promise.

I have a fantastic life, though. I love the people I surround myself with, I love the place I live, I love my school (even though it's still school, so you know, meh), I love my future prospects, I'm not doing badly at all. Big Picture, Maria, Big Picture.